One of the questions that has been asked of me and one I'm sure others would want to know the answer to is, How does going through a miscarriage effect your relationship with Christ? I will do my best to share my heart with you specifically about this matter, because it it beautiful.
One very important truth to know and understand is that my relationship with God is based on the very core of my being. It's about who I am. It's not about how I feel or even sometimes what I think. It isn't based on the circumstances of my life. It's based on the ultimate Truth. Because that's never-changing, the storms of life don't change that core. This hasn't always been true for me. My relationship and faith haven't always been this sure and there are always things that threaten it. Mainly my own selfishness. But I fight for it. I work hard to keep it. I decide daily to not let go.
I am a very passionate person. I am affectionate and artistic. I express worship to my Father best through music, dance, and art. Sometimes its in written word, sometimes in a doodle, sometimes in a craft. Sometimes it's in an act of kindness for someone else. Either way, my worship is meaningful and intentional. My prayer life is consistent and the most intimate part of my relationship. I find it difficult to pray in groups of people or even with individuals sometimes because I truly lose myself during prayer. During grief, I have a hard time praying. Because it's so raw and so real, it's extremely painful in those worst moments of grief. It took me several days to be able to pray again. But this doesn't mean I wasn't in the presence of my Father. I knew He was beside me. Have you ever experienced a moment with someone when you didn't have to speak any words, they just knew you needed a hug and did that without asking what's wrong because it wasn't important. They didn't need to know or already knew. They knew in that moment you just needed a hug. That's what it's like for me. God knew what was wrong, didn't need me to talk about it, and just held me and Loved me. That Love is bringing me back to life. That Love is healing. That Love is enduring. No matter what happens, no matter the deepest, darkest moments in my life, I know that all is well with my soul. My Father has me and will hold me and Love me. This song is my anthem in this season and knowing the history behind it and the original lyrics makes it all that more meaningful. (I included a quick link at the bottom in case you don't know it and would like to!)
The point is, no matter what's happening on the outside, in the day-to-day, or in my emotions, I know that even when it's not good,
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well it is well with my soul
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You Lord
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.